Gun Nut Petition Demanding Open Carry Be Allowed At RNC Reaches Goal

Gun Nut Petition Demanding Open Carry Be Allowed At RNC Reaches Goal

Petition To Allow Open Carry During Republican National Convention Hits Target

A Change.org petition calling for gun owners to be allowed to openly carry their firearms during the Republican National Convention has now surpassed its goal of 5k signatures, with more than four-fifths of those signatures coming in a single night. And now, it’s closing quickly on it’s new goal of 25k, with over 15k as of this article being written.

The petition, created by the otherwise nonexistent group Americans for Responsible Open Carry, calls on lawmakers and the Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland to lift bans on open-carry during the 2016 Republican National Convention, which will take place between July 18 and July 22.

The petition, authored by someone who clearly doesn’t understand how constitutional rights work, claims that the Quicken Loans Arena, which firmly forbids open carry on their property, is violating their “God-given” second-amendment rights.

The petition rambles almost incoherently, repeating the tired right-wing meme that gun-free zones are violence-magnets — despite literally no evidence whatsoever to support that theory — and ranting about the threat of an ISIS attack.

The petition’s “five points of action” call for the Quicken Loans Arena to lift their open carry ban, the NRA to condemn the arena’s policy, Ohio Governor and 2016 Presidential hopeful John Kasich to “override” the policy through executive action, the RNC and Reince Priebus to develop a contingency plan to swap venues, and the republican presidential candidates to stand with them.

Is This Petition Satire? Can Anyone, Even An Open Carry Aficionado, Be This Stupid?

As an expert in all things satire, I’d be remiss to not point out that the petition itself is most likely a satirical hoax, and if it isn’t, America has much bigger problems than ISIS or any of the whack-a-doodle nonsense Donald Trump spouts.

The open carry petition carries some tell-tale signs of satirical writing, most notably in what we can only hope are small stereotype jabs weaved into almost every paragraph. The scary part? It’s all subtle enough that this is either performance art with no real delivery or the people who made the petition truly are beyond help.

The first nod toward satire (or the author being an idiot) comes just a few paragraphs into the petition when the author claims that the Quicken Loans Arena is infringing on the second-amendment rights of Americans:

This is a direct affront to the Second Amendment and puts all attendees at risk.

Of course, as anyone who finished the ninth grade can tell you, private citizens and businesses can’t violate your constitutional rights. A friend telling you to “shut up” doesn’t violate your first amendment rights, the Quicken Loans Arena banning open carry on their property doesn’t violate your second, and your Mother-In-Law showing up unannounced and inviting herself to stay in your guest room doesn’t violate your third.

That alone isn’t much of a clue, of course. Maybe the author simply doesn’t understand how the Constitution works, right? A few paragraphs later, we run into this gem, which could be written off the same way:

“All three remaining Republican candidates have spoken out on the issue and are unified in their opposition to Barack HUSSEIN Obama’s ‘gun-free zones.’ ” 

It isn’t until after the author lists off quotes from the Republican presidential candidates that things take a turn toward the silly. Either the author is a satirist, calling out the hypocrisy of the GOP’s ridiculous policies and platforms, or they’re… well… read this paragraph:

“We are all too familiar with the mass carnage that can occur when citizens are denied their basic God-given rights to carry handguns or assault weapons in public. EVERY AMERICAN HAS THE RIGHT TO PROTECT AND DEFEND THEIR FAMILY. With this irresponsible and hypocritical act of selecting a “gun-free zone” for the convention, the RNC has placed its members, delegates, candidates and all US citizens in grave danger.”

I don’t remember reading about firearms in The Bible. I’m not sure how these rights are “God given.” And I’m not so sure Jesus Christ would be hip on open carry laws, either. You might think it’s just a slip of the tongue, but nope! If this petition is legit, the author truly believes God wrote the Constitution himself:

“The policies of the Quicken Loans Arena do not supersede the rights given to us by our Creator in the U.S. Constitution.”

The verdict? This has to be satire with an underdeveloped punchline. That, or the author is comically ignorant and personifies every stereotype of a right-winger you can list off the top of your head. The sad part? Donald Trump has a whole lot of supporters, so there’s definitely a chance for the latter.

Featured image courtesy of Erich Schlegel/ Getty Images News

Matt Terzi is a political satirist and essayist from Binghamton, New York, who has written for some of the most prominent satire publications in the country. He’s now moving into more “serious” subject matter, without losing touch with his comedic roots

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Matt Terzi is a political satirist and essayist from Binghamton, New York, who has written for some of the most prominent satire publications in the country. He’s now moving into more “serious” subject matter, without losing touch with his comedic roots

ReverbPress Mobile Apps ReverbPress iOS App ReverbPress Android App ReverbPress App